".....I do not do the things I want to do; yet I do the things I do not want to do...."
No matter how I try to make things good and to make myself the good person I want, I still slip. Yeah it's part of being human. I may not like it, but I have to accept it. What could I expect from me when I am just a human being? How could I expect myself to be perfect when perfection is not in my system? There is no way I could fool myself and God. I am imperfect and could never be, that I may seek God always in my imperfection. For if I am already perfect why would I need God when I do not need anything? God made me imperfect because He needs me to need Him. And like any other story, I am now in pain, in deep sorrow. But this is not the end. This is just for now. Tomorrow when I wake up, God will hold my hand and lead me to a brand new day.