Just couldn't grasp it all. My humanity pulls me to take care of my body; provide it's needs, make it presentable. But then the other side of me asks, why worry of things that will perish? My body will perish. Yes, I have to take good care of it. Give it something to eat, clothe it, put shelter upon it's head. However, I noticed that I am going a little beyond. I'm starting to worry what to wear, how to look good. In short, I am taking care of my body just to be appreciated by everyone. Yeah, it feels good to be admired. But, does it pay when the very money I use for it could also be used for other important things like putting it in a savings that may be used later in case of emergency? Or when some needs arises? I noticed in myself that I am trying to keep up with the fad and fashion. Well, perhaps not that exaggerated, but I also have my fair share of worries about these things that is why I am trying to cope up.
I'm a student of success. Success tells me to dress well, to be presentable. How far is being presentable? How does being presentable looks like nowadays? Is being presentable still using an old fashion dress with grace? I don't know.
Fullness of spirit is telling me to be brave enough to accept nothingness. This world does not know nothingness. The only nothingness it knows is lacking the material things that the people of nowadays possess; like having a touchscreen cellphone, tablet, iPhone, iPad, car, designer bags and shoes, etc., etc. The list could go on and on and on. But nothingness is speaking in my heart. It tells me to not worry what to wear. A fashionable dress couldn't bring me to heaven. It couldn't even allow me to fulfill my Divine Assignment either. Nothingness is telling me to focus, to keep my eyes on the road ahead. Nothingness is telling me to keep still and weigh once again the things that matter.
How would I walk in this world and still having a grip on nothingness? Nothingness is whispering in my ear. It says I could have fullness of life if I will use it as my cane as I travel upon this earth. It tells me to forget about fame, to forget about pride, to forget about dignity. All those things are nothing. Every good thing that shines just lure a person. All good things come from God, for He alone is good. Yet, how does God defines goodness? How does man defines goodness? Every good thing seems to defy a person. A person aspires goodness for some other reason. Yeah, everything matters on what is inside the heart. If goodness resides in a person's heart there is no need for him to look for it because it is already there. It comes out just quite naturally. But if a person has not yet found goodness in his heart he will look for it in some other place. He will do everything to have it. And when he believes he already possesses it, he will prove all his might to show how good he is.
Let's return to nothingness. It hasn't left me yet. Nothingness tells me, if I were to do my Divine Assignment, I would BE who I AM. I would be a "nothingness" in this world.
Sad, I am. Would I? It's why I'm here in this world in the very first place; to prove how divine "nothingness" is. I just come to fall in love with the world that is why it is hard on my part to break away my relationship with it. It is hard to give it up. But I should listen to nothingness. I am here because of it. It says time is running out. My body is no longer getting any younger. I should listen, then do what I have to.
Perhaps you are wondering what this "nothingness" is that I'm talking about, let me define it in ways I can. In a lay man's term "nothingness" is just nothing, void, empty, lacking. The "nothingness" that I'm talking about is the fullness of everything. It's the same as the Christian song that goes, "lose yourself in me, and you will find yourself". It's this losing of the self that we would find our true self. It's what the sages call dis-attachment. I hope I've given the word justice. It's the closest I could define. It's closer to detachment--to detach oneself from something it has been attached to. In short, in my case, I have to detach myself from my attachments into this world. It is in detachment I could truly fulfill my Divine Assignment.
This is why "nothingness" is calling me. It says I should return to the very purpose why I'm being sent into this world. One thing to know this calling is listening to the stirrings of the Spirit. The Spirit within of me is using "nothingness" to remind me of my true purpose, which all of us have. Perhaps you would not understand what I am talking about. Perhaps one day, you would.