Rumblings Of The Spirit

     In my last post I shared about the rumblings of my spirit in achieving perfection in life thru happiness and getting my soul in shape. One underlying reason for it was my desire to achieve many things within a little period  of time. Why was this so? Simple, I just forgot I was racing against time by doing so. I forgot, in order to achieve a balanced life, I must walk hand in hand with time. I must make time as my companion in order to live life moment by moment.

     I do not deny the fact that I am one of those bombarded by tons of information daily. One of my main source now of the so-called knowledge is the internet. By following my desire to get much information with just a series of pressing keys one to another I failed to watch how greed took control of me. I became a victim of the white screen before me. I am just glad I immediately became aware before I lost myself totally.

     Happiness is just living life moment by moment. It is more about being with oneself and communicate with the God within. Though it is right to look for more knowledge on the things we are interested in, yet we must not forget that the answers to most of our questions almost always lies within us. We are not a walking computer thereby we must not try to "know" everything. If there are things we must learn we must ask God first that He may show us the way and that it would be easier for us to sift the right from the not-so-right. We are not everything therefore not everything work for us.
   

     With these realizations I am now a little bit relaxed; for no one could ever question me what little "achievement" have I got other than myself. And no one carries myself better than me.

     Live life fully!
     Zel

I Just "Live" Anyway

     You know what? This happiness thing and keeping my soul in shape sometimes do not work with me well. There is nothing wrong with these ideals. In fact, we need goals and ideals to keep our direction in life stay focused. What makes it disadvantageous for me sometimes is my attitude towards it. My desire sometimes goes out of bounds. I become literally obsessed with achieving these goals. The one measure that I evaluate myself with is the peace I experience of the moment. Sometimes I catch myself restlessly thinking: I must receive positive words today that my mood will be positive, I must read something enlightening today that I will be enlightened, I must write today that I may not scold myself for being lax, I must..., I must..., I must... This is how I live my life day to day. I live with the I must that I may not experience the I must not. I slowly realized this is not healthy because I am doing a thing not for a very good reason. I am doing a thing just not to experience any discomfort.

     So, I come to think, could I live my life a little differently? In which I could just live for the enjoyment of it, for the fun of it. I will live to experience how it is to live without thinking much; without bothering much whether I did do a thing rightly or not, consistently or not. I just live because I AM ALIVE!

     I guess it is wonderful to live this way. Anyway, as long as I live I have all the time in the world to discover for myself whether this kind of living could help me or not. If it could, I have lived after all. If it could not, then I will never tire of finding a way in which I could live a life to the fullest.

     For now, I will just LIVE anyway.

     Have a happy LIVING!
     Zel

P.S.
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"Aha Moment"

Even Weeds Do Grow In The Garden

     I was happy. We were having fun. Then a thought struck. I asked a question. I was answered indirectly and cut short. Everything went quiet as if nothing happened. But deep within me an anger slowly was being conceived until I could no longer contain it. Like a volcano my temper erupted. What started as a small issue, multiplied a hundredth shaking the milestone of a relationship.
     Marriage is a two-way street. If one is at a loss the other is suppose to hold him/her. Not taking care on one's part is nontheless unhealthy. Disagreement in a relationship is normal and healthy if both are to solve it positively.
     In my case, I became furious for just being shrugged off by the shoulders. I was on my way to happiness; yet failed to control my temper, uttered words and did things I regretted later. What was happening to me? I was supposed to be calmer, to be in control. I was supposed to be composed all the time. Then it struck me, why was I mumbling these things? I am creating a garden in my soul, yes, but even weeds do grow in the garden. In the garden of my heart I may want it to be clean always; yet I need to separate the weeds from the flower. I need to pull out what is not important and settle for what I have. Merely noticing and grumbling about the presence of the weed could not help.
     The same is true with the relationship I have with my husband. It would never be perfect because we are both imperfect people; but we can do something about it. If we just know how to listen to each other and both try to pull out the weed that does not belong there. Patching things up may not be that easy but that is just the way it is. If we choose to grow in our relationship and ourselves things would be a lot easier. 

     As for me, I discover that the way to happiness is not always filled with the "good" old me. I must accept that I, too, have to continually face the monster within me. I have to always expect weeds to grow in the garden of my soul and must be courageous enough to pull it out. Then after I shed the tears I move on.