I Just "Live" Anyway

     You know what? This happiness thing and keeping my soul in shape sometimes do not work with me well. There is nothing wrong with these ideals. In fact, we need goals and ideals to keep our direction in life stay focused. What makes it disadvantageous for me sometimes is my attitude towards it. My desire sometimes goes out of bounds. I become literally obsessed with achieving these goals. The one measure that I evaluate myself with is the peace I experience of the moment. Sometimes I catch myself restlessly thinking: I must receive positive words today that my mood will be positive, I must read something enlightening today that I will be enlightened, I must write today that I may not scold myself for being lax, I must..., I must..., I must... This is how I live my life day to day. I live with the I must that I may not experience the I must not. I slowly realized this is not healthy because I am doing a thing not for a very good reason. I am doing a thing just not to experience any discomfort.

     So, I come to think, could I live my life a little differently? In which I could just live for the enjoyment of it, for the fun of it. I will live to experience how it is to live without thinking much; without bothering much whether I did do a thing rightly or not, consistently or not. I just live because I AM ALIVE!

     I guess it is wonderful to live this way. Anyway, as long as I live I have all the time in the world to discover for myself whether this kind of living could help me or not. If it could, I have lived after all. If it could not, then I will never tire of finding a way in which I could live a life to the fullest.

     For now, I will just LIVE anyway.

     Have a happy LIVING!
     Zel

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