I had been quiet for awhile. Did not know what to say. Being happy is not an easy task especially with what is going on around me. I do not like pretenses. So I did choose to be quiet and keep still. Better not utter a word than give a long list of empty ones.
Everything had been going on normally in my life. There are some setbacks at work. But then what can we expect from those around? Nothing is perfect. This is what I learned from my ponderings. So, why would I be baffled when things do not go as perfectly as I want them to be.
Another thing I learned is letting go of the ideals I have set with myself. Ideals are good. Many had been successful by following the ideals they have set for themselves. But for myself such is not the case. The more ideals had I set, the more burden had I placed upon myself. I did not profit from my ideals. I become obsessed with them. The desire to achieve my ideals had been greater than the joy of living my life to achieving them. Thus, I gave up my ideals. It does not mean I choose to live a life of mediocrity; it just means I choose to live my life more simply. Who cares whether I am successful or not? Who cares whether I fail or not? I only have my lifetime. I choose to live it as to how my heart tells me, whether it is impressive to others or not.
As to happiness, I do not have an exact description for it; nor do I have steps in achieving it. Only one thing I can share: as I went outside the other night, feeling the coolness of the soft breeze, watching the soft grass danced with the gentle wind, with nothing in mind except the focus on the nature all around, the trees seemed to smile at me with its strong stance, I felt a surge of peaceful feeling I could not explain. It brought a smile unto my lips and a lightness inside of me. Was it happiness? I don't know. That was all the feeling there was.