Regina Brett's Fifty Life Lessons: The Fourteenth Lesson

Lesson Number Fourteen: If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

Regina says it clearly. 'If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it'. What is the purpose of every relationship? Why are you in a relationship? Simple. Just to be with somebody who loves you and accepts you as you are; who is not ashamed to be with you and is proud to tell the world that he/she loves you. If a relationship has to be a secret, something is not quite right in it. If your purpose in mind is to get serious with that relationship, yet it is not going the way it should be, it's time to pack your things up and leave. No relationship that starts not right will end right. Take that from those who had been there -- me.

Yup, I had been once in that situation. Naive as I was, I believed it was okay to keep it a secret at first because it would be brought up in the open once the situation would be ironed out so well. I was told so. But no. It didn't. Simply because the other party did not think my thoughts and did not believe my beliefs. It was I who was made to believe his words and made to think his thoughts. It was too late when I realized I was just wasting time, effort, emotions, and sadly, my dignity. I was just grateful it was not as late as not being able to get out of it. 

In a relationship, this would be my best advice -- do not let the other person belittle you and degrade you by yielding to him/her of keeping your relationship secret. Be aware that something is not quite right in that situation. Do not be super naive as I had been. Love yourself more than anybody else. Because if you won't, the other person would not do it for you. You always have the choice of making your life better by being in a right kind of relationship. Be aware....always!

Get happy!   

Some Things Are Worth Giving Up

     I once believe I have to do great, really great things in order to earn respect from people and be considered one important soul. But just recently I realize I could not please the millions of people in my generation. All because each one has his own preferences and operates life almost always through these preferences. There are just people who love only their flock. Unless you talk, act, and think like them could you be accepted as a person. The folly of me kept on convincing myself that I should do something to become friends with these people. Yet, no matter how much I tried, the effort did not pay off.

     Having arrived to this realization, I become free. Yeah, I have no obligation whatsoever to please these people. The most Godly way I could do is accept them as they are and accept the fact that they could not please me too. There is no attachment. We are all free. If they despise me for being different from them, I'll toss the idea aside. It is not worth the bother. I am free. Life goes on.

"I wish you friends and friendship, the ability to be a friend, and the openness to allow others to be your friends. It isn't always easy to open ourselves up and allow others to see our needs and our faults, but this journey of life on which we all find ourselves is much more fulfilling when we don't try to travel every path alone. Making and keeping friends is not always an easy task, but it's one that's well worth the trouble and the risk."   Living Life Fully

 

When You Have To Do It Even If You Hate It

     "I hate to do it, but I have to do it." These were the words that kept on echoing in my mind right after I made the decision. There are just situations in which you have to make a decision regardless of whether you will be completely understood or downright judged. Having made a pledge to God to love His people and correct them gently, made it hard for me to do my work. My line of work requires to be firm with people. For, if I have to remain lenient with them and their capricious, they would abuse the regulations set by our company, which would result in making me an ineffective employee. Yes, negotiation and an acceptable excuse are the very first thing to do. But when people have crossed the thin line between kindness and abuse, we have to do the right thing even if it means hurting their pride and feelings.

     The truth is, there are many people who are so undisciplined in their own lives that they go about meeting with people believing they can influence people with their own lies. These are the people whom I act strictly with. When they need to hear the truth, I give it to them. It is sort of wham! slapping them on the face and saying, "wake up thou from thy sleep!"

     And, yes, these are the people I pledged to love and cherish. In the sense of the word they are not my family. But in the law of the universe, they are my family. I know I just did the right thing, waking them up. But I felt a little tinge of guilt for slapping them the truth. However if I am to do it again, I choose to do it again. For it is better for me to suffer the pangs of guilt than allowing these people to go with their lives walking in their sleep. Sometimes they need a little bang, bang in the head that they may ask themselves, "hey what is happening?"

     Actually, I am saying these through my own personal experience. It really hurts when people slap you left and right with the truth of the matter. But it was when I hurt the most that I learned the most. That is why I am not so much afraid to correct someone, as long as I know it would benefit them more if they just but listen to their voice within and without.   

     As to the people whom I actually bang, bang with the truth I offered them to God already. And then I let go.

     

Expand. Expand. Expand

     When we think of growth, what comes into mind is expansion. And when we plan to grow our selves in all aspects, it means we have to expand our selves in all areas: mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, financially  and spiritually.Honestly, in some areas I am doing well. But there is one area that I am struggling with so hard. It is the social aspect. Growing up I was not that sociable since I was brought up conservatively. We weren't allowed to play with other kids. In high school I was not even allowed to go out with my friends. So I developed that kind of characteristic which is shy and a little aloof with people.  Now that I am working I am constantly expose to people. But only within the circle of my comfort zone. At least I am able to get along well with others.

     However, when you dream of becoming successful in life you have to work the extra mile needed for the fulfillment of your dreams. I was informed, one of the ways of becoming successful is to be able to have large network of friends. Wow. I have friends but only those casual acquaintances. I never thought once that having lots of friends and creating good relationships with others is a big advantage of becoming successful. I am convince of this now. And I am working sooooo hard on this.   

     This is what makes life beautiful. With faith I am able to expand what I believe I can expand.

     He who put this Spirit within me is faithful enough to let this Spirit express itself through me.

        

When Others Behave The Way They Do

You're day went out quite right as how you intended it to be. The people you were always around with were the same funny and entertaining ones as they always were. And if some of their moods were sometimes irritating, you never mind because you knew that was a characteristic of them, what made them unique. You were about to call it a day. When suddenly in an office not yours someone came carrying herself proudly looking at you as if you were from outer space. From the way she gazed, you sense the sense of insecurity she was carrying deep inside, and reflected it outside by acting as if she were superior to you. You tried to make friendly movements which she ignored. This affected you. You felt a tinge of irritation creeping down within. So you immediately  finished your business in that office and went out. Then outside you saw her husband waiting for her, complaining and grunting loudly, calling for her, for she was inside too long; an attitude you would not want your husband to treat you with. You slowly got it and you said, that's why.

Did this happen to you? It did to me, yesterday. I inquired things about that lady. I was informed she just came from the U.S. Oh, would that make any difference? Would her actions be favorable for her? Would it matter whether she was above or below us? I was just so glad I was in this self-development business; for I knew where she stood and where I stood. And from the way her husband treated her, it was no wonder she had a bit of insecurity.

Anyway, people's actions no longer matter to me that much now. For if people behave the way they do, it is not because of who I am, it is because of who they are; how they see themselves and what their experiences are. It has been my prayer that God would make me loving to his children good and not so good alike. But since I am new to this undertaking, I have not yet matured fully. But at least I am able now to identify the sin from the sinner though my initial reaction would be somewhat judgmental. At least I have grown a little. This is a very big thing to me now.      

Even Weeds Do Grow In The Garden

     I was happy. We were having fun. Then a thought struck. I asked a question. I was answered indirectly and cut short. Everything went quiet as if nothing happened. But deep within me an anger slowly was being conceived until I could no longer contain it. Like a volcano my temper erupted. What started as a small issue, multiplied a hundredth shaking the milestone of a relationship.
     Marriage is a two-way street. If one is at a loss the other is suppose to hold him/her. Not taking care on one's part is nontheless unhealthy. Disagreement in a relationship is normal and healthy if both are to solve it positively.
     In my case, I became furious for just being shrugged off by the shoulders. I was on my way to happiness; yet failed to control my temper, uttered words and did things I regretted later. What was happening to me? I was supposed to be calmer, to be in control. I was supposed to be composed all the time. Then it struck me, why was I mumbling these things? I am creating a garden in my soul, yes, but even weeds do grow in the garden. In the garden of my heart I may want it to be clean always; yet I need to separate the weeds from the flower. I need to pull out what is not important and settle for what I have. Merely noticing and grumbling about the presence of the weed could not help.
     The same is true with the relationship I have with my husband. It would never be perfect because we are both imperfect people; but we can do something about it. If we just know how to listen to each other and both try to pull out the weed that does not belong there. Patching things up may not be that easy but that is just the way it is. If we choose to grow in our relationship and ourselves things would be a lot easier. 

     As for me, I discover that the way to happiness is not always filled with the "good" old me. I must accept that I, too, have to continually face the monster within me. I have to always expect weeds to grow in the garden of my soul and must be courageous enough to pull it out. Then after I shed the tears I move on.